Running for Your Life: Russell Baker

Just try to be write a humor column in a daily newspaper – and do so in a way that when you die, the reminiscences and eulogies and words of praise flow like ice melt from the +2C increase in average global temperature ….

Russell Baker, of course, would never write such a ham-fisted comparison. Baker, who died last month, is much too classy for that.

I have this vintage New York Times Magazine from April 28, 1985. To date the issue and those glory years of newspapers, the cover story was by the novelist Mario Vargas Llosa, writing about the socialist revolution in Nicaragua. (The 112-page publication is LOADED with display ads … )

And on Page 26, Russell Baker wrote his Sunday Observer column, this one called “Computer Passion” (with charming unself-conscious Bakeresque illustration by Patrick McDonnell).

Presciently, in that oh-so-simpler time, Baker is riffing on how absurd the idea is that you could fall in love with personal technology.

Consider his lede:

“Many tycoons of the computer industry have written begging me to tell them how to recover from the sales slump threatening disaster for the personal-computer business, and I do so gladly, for it is painful to see a tycoon in despair.”

Then the kicker:

“Sex is the solution, gentlemen. Paint those things Passion Orange and get them into the boudoir.”

Man, I miss Russell Baker’s wry wit and humility … Call him a throwback, but frankly, I’d gladly throw back every one of today’s poor excuses for daily humor columnists for just one Russell Baker.

Next: Running for Your Life: A Brief History …




Running for Your Life: Kundera Conundrum

Back in late 1980s, the glory days of newspapers, I wrote these two quotes attributed to the novelist Milan Kundera in a journal during one of my early visits to New York City, where I’ve lived for the past thirty-plus years. The material is drawn from an article in the March 6, 1988, edition of the New York Times Book Review.

“Cursed be the writer who first allowed a journalist to reproduce his remarks freely! He started the process that can only lead to the disappearance of the writer, he who is responsible for every one of his words.”

And this from the introduction to Kundera’s play, “Jacques and His Master”: “Death to all who dare rewrite what has been written! Impale them and roast them over a slow fire! Castrate them and cut off their ears!”

Quaint stuff, eh? Milan, now 89 years old, would be ill-advised to be taking out his scorn on the puny power exercised by today’s journalists. The very idea that “words” are so sacrosanct that they are deserving of such fiery defense against simple reporters is laughable. When it comes to the disappearance of the writer, Larry Page and Mark Zuckerberg have long scrubbed the writer from any lasting importance in the culture ….

Next: Running for Your Life: A Brief History …




Running for Your Life: Diary Tips

Where does lasting work begin?

So often in a diary.

(Word of definition for those who might interpret “lasting” to mean words typed into the Internet will survive to infinity; rather, I’m talking “lasting” to suggest meaningful now and for generations to come. For those who still don’t get it, browse to another blog, please.)

I literally can’t wait until the London Review of Books publishes the latest batch of Diary entries by the playwright Alan Bennett.

They just did and here’s a sample of my favorites:

17 September. It’s London Fashion Week and R. has to turn up at various functions. He goes off to work this morning saying, I think: ‘I may be late home. I’ve got to get to Paris.’
What he actually says is: ‘I may be late home. I’ll get the carrots.’
2 October. I suppose Allelujah!, while not unambiguous, is the closest I’ve ever got to a political play. Some of this is fortuitous. I have always thought that there is an element of prophecy in plays: write it and it happens. With this play it’s been almost embarrassing. Lest I be thought to be trailing behind the facts I should say that Valentine’s trouble over his visa was written months before the Windrush business and indeed the various scandals in NHS hospitals. I had originally intended Valentine to be an older doctor, brought out of retirement by the hospital because of a shortage of staff. In which case to refuse him a visa would have seemed even more shocking, though no more so than the treatment meted out to the long-established immigrants who were so callously singled out.

If not quite a platform, a play is certainly a plinth, a small eminence from which to address the world, hold forth about one’s concerns or the concerns of one’s characters. But not to preach. Writing a play I have never tried to hide the sound of my own voice. It hasn’t always been where an audience or a critic has thought to find it, and certainly not always in the mouth of the leading character. It’s often a divided voice or a dissenting one; two things (at least) are being said and I am not always sure which one I agree with. But that is one reason I write plays: one can speak with a divided voice.
In Allelujah!, though, the last speech is given to Dr Valentine, an Asian doctor who came here as a young man to study medicine but who outstayed his visa. So, though he is now a good and qualified doctor and is English in all but name, he is an illegal. In the course of the play his deception is discovered and he is deported. In this final speech he addresses the audience directly and if my unmediated voice is in the play, this is it:

Me, I have no place.
‘Come unto these yellow sands and there take hands.’ Only not my hand, and so, unwelcome on these grudging shores, I must leave the burden of being English to others and become what I have always felt, a displaced person.
Why, I ask myself, should I still want to join?
What is there for me here, where education is a privilege and nationality a boast? Starving the poor and neglecting the old, what makes you so special still? There is nobody to touch you, but who wants to any more? Open your arms, England before it’s too late.
9 October, Yorkshire. On departure day for London we seldom have an outing besides, but this morning we go up to Thornton to see antique dealers Miles and Rebecca G. They are slowly restoring their ancient house, every week revealing hidden doors and stopped up windows, with the latest discovery a well. Miles is as curious about his stock as a dealer as he is about the house and today he shows us a two-plank bed from the old prison on the Isle of Man. Low and only slightly raised off the ground, the bed has another plank for the pillow and is covered in graffiti. During the First World War the Isle of Man was where conscientious objectors were imprisoned, so the bed has umpteen calendars with the days ticked off and on the underside, almost hidden, ‘Fuck the King’. As an item the bed has the simplicity and dignity of Shaker furniture but I don’t think I’ve ever seen an object more soaked in wretchedness and despair.

Oh, and in terms of tips. Get your own copy of the LRB (January 3 issue), read the Diary entries, buy a nice journal, a pen, reflect and then write down your thoughts, and little stories that make up your life.

Next: Running for Your Life: Kundera Conundrum

Running for Your Life: Facebook? Izzat You?

Trust The New York Times to dig deep for the truth … well, that is if you read the book review.

This week’s issue (Feb. 3) outdid itself in writing the truth about one corporate newsmaker that you’d think would be deserving of similar attention in the Times' news columns. Not to say it doesn’t happen, mind you, but given the threat to the commonweal, as described below, perhaps the story could be deserving, say, of 10 percent of its page after page after page of anti-Trump coverage, this from the company whose slogan is:  

The Truth Is More Important Now Than Ever

This gem of a paragraph, from reviewer Tom Bissell, author of “Apostle,” appeared tucked away on Page 9 in the review, as part of his assessment of Roger McNamee’s book, “ZUCKED: Waking Up to the Facebook Catastrophe”:

 “The planet’s fourth most valuable company, and arguably its most influential, is controlled almost entirely by a young man with the charisma of a geometry T.A. The totality of this man’s professional life has been running this company, which calls it “a platform.” Company, platform – whatever it is, it provides a curious service wherein billions of people fill it with content: baby photos, birthday wishes, concert promotions, psychotic premonitions of Jewish lizard-men. No one is paid by the company for this labor; on the contrary, users are rewarded by being tracked across the web, even when logged out, and consequently strip-mined by a complicated artificial intelligence trained to sort out surveilled information into approximately 29,000 predictive data points, which are then made available to advertisers and other third parties, who now know everything that can be known about a person without trepanning her skull. Amazingly, none of this is secret, despite the company’s best efforts to keep it so. Somehow, people still use and love this platform.”

Next: Running for Your Life: Kundera Conundrum


Running for Your Life: Going Postable

It’s past that time of year when folks send greetings through the mail. Early to mid-December, millions of North Americans put first-class stamp on an envelope with a festive card inside.

Most people take out a pen and write a little something in the card to go along with the printed message (i.e., Peace on Earth, Season Greetings, etc.).

That is, after asking Alex, to wit:

“Say, Alexa, please quote me the most meaningful language that would best complement  [homily goes here] in my greeting card. I want to maximize the positive feelings in the recipient of the one piece of first-class mail that I send every year to loved ones.”

Alexa provides the answer and you transcribe the perfect personal remarks on the card’s left flap.

Or just contact Postable. With a few taps on your phone, or clicks of your laptop, tailor the message you want to send.

Hell, you can even send a Postable piece of mail during one of the other eleven months of the year.

Know what that’s called? Progress.

Next: Running for Your Life: Kundera Conundrum